I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
