You really coming over, don't trick.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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