I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
