We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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