a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
