She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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