Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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