that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
