Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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