i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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