What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
