To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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