I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
pop tarts are not kleenex
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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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