You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
