his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
