in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
