WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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