: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
