As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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