I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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