I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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