i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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