were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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