Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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