Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
