My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
