I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
