I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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