What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
