don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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