Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
