when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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