so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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