i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
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Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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