i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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