my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
