According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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