Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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