why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
