i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
