Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
