Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
