We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
