The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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