look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
