I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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