rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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