my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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