Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
