I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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