my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
