I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
