yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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