Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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