So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.