i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture