i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
too bad you live with your parents still
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he fucked my hip out of place.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
