So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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