I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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