if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.