Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
