I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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