I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize