you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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